Random Thoughts | Kraig Lowell Pullam

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23 Jun 2021

’21 Reflection

Well….

It has been four months since last blogging on February 8, 2021. In February I was excited about the year, blogging weekly, hesitant about the covid-19 vaccine, excited about new relationships, sad about the ending of old ones, but overall optimistic about 2021.

Following that week, DFW experienced a major snowstorm. Amid the accidents, deaths, power outages, and the like, I was trying to navigate through my own challenges and storms. In the strangest way, I have experienced some great losses but even some greater gains.

If there is anything we continue to see in the midst of a continued pandemic are people’s true colors. I’ve found myself saying to myself over and over again, in the midst of the world’s anxiety, people lashing out at others, cutting off others, and the like, ‘Man…that is not them’ or ‘They are acting out of character’ or ‘That’s not the person I/we know’. Here’s the truth – the person who shows up when the rubber meets the road, or when there is a crisis or victory, is really who they are. We think that some people are acting out of character when, in reality, that is who they were the entire time.

Being in the church world, and in the world in general, it’s going to happen to you and I. And as strange as it seems, you will and I will sometimes be the antagonist. Let’s face it – we are not always our best selves. There are times when we simply weren’t all that impressive to God and others, and the others who were around in your not-so-impressive state determined that was the sum total of YOU, and kept that permanent snapshot of you in their mind and narrative.

This blog may seem vague and akin to a maze probably because on one hand it is. I cannot be detailed because it simply applies to so many dynamics in my life in 2021 that it seems almost surreal (yet liberating). On the other…I need those of you who read this to apply it to YOUR experience in your own life, now or when you need it later (because you will!)

I guess that brings me to the first lesson I’ve learned thus far this year – God is teaching me to be quiet and be still. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, ‘there is a time to search and a time to count as lost, a time to keep and a time to discard, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.…’ Quite a number of times, I’ve found the Spirit of God restraining me when I wanted to speak up. Don’t get me wrong, I have fumbled on this a number times; but I’ve certainly grown here. Cowardice has NEVRR been apart of my disposition. That is – the Inability to say what I need to say because I’m scared of what somebody thinks has never been one of my problems. So this is a new arena for me; and I do fail from time to time. What I’ve learned is to fall, and then get back up and do it again. You’ve heard the saying: ‘nobody can misquote silence.’

The second thing I am learning is to stop making so much effort trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Without any pun intended, this point needs no explanation. But I can say that my GREATEST critics today (without exception) are those I’ve invested the most time, energy, explanations, sit-down discussions, defended the most, given pleas for their understanding, all to no avail. While I do not regret having a good heart; I shake my head for wasting my time. What it has done is cause me to find the root as to why I sought approval and validation from people who I knew weren’t buying into me fully at the beginning, and felt the need to try and win them over anyway. Here’s the sad reality – most people will tell you what they think you’re worth or what you represent for them at the first meeting. You chose to either prove them wrong or affirm their warped and twisted psychology of you by suppressing your intuition and by attempting to supply their toxic need. It’s called CODEPENDENCE.

Third, God is teaching me to ride with the people who ride with you. During the pandemic, I have seen a number of mutual friends, church people, colleagues, family members, etc…. where they have fallen out with one another, but remain my friends. They both will tell me why I shouldn’t trust or like the other. I always say the same thing – ‘they didn’t do anything to me’. Now to be sure…I do have some relationships where: if my friend doesn’t mess with you, neither do I. However, that isn’t blanketed. There are times where I wait to see who shows me the character the other proclaims. So often…I have found that both parties have issues. I have even found that both parties have valid points. Then there are times where the other showed ME who they really were. This hurts, especially if I defended said church member, family member or friend. I strongly believe in the statement: In God we trust, everybody else we thoroughly investigate.

God is also teaching me that even some of the people who ride with you are only riding with you to hear your plans only to undermine them. It’s just a fact – some people hug you to find out where they can stab you. It is also a fact that some people remain in your circle just to find out your strategy and your business. Not everyone in your corner is on your team; and many people who are smiling in front of you are not clapping for you. In like manner, just because people are NOT applauding for you, doesn’t mean that they are your enemies. Some people just aren’t your flavor and you are not theirs. Be okay with that. But here is what I am learning: you do need some Judas’s in your camp sometimes to fulfill God’s purpose in your life; but make sure they aren’t in your inner circle. You will never reach your full potential when the people in your cabinet aren’t rooting for you. I have a friend who put it this way: some people are on the front row of your life; and you need to determine who is on the second row, etc. And then you need to find out who doesn’t even deserve to be in the auditorium. Which brings me to another lesson I’ve learned in this season…

Finally, I am learning that you must be okay with some closing acts. It’s so hard to say goodbye. It really is. We so desperately want to hold on to the things and people who’ve made us smile, laugh, cry tears of joy, created memories with and the like. On one side, please know that if you are trying to hold on to a reality that they are not, then what are you really holding on to? An illusion? They didn’t feel the same; and so you owe it to yourself to move on. On the other side…if those smiles, laughs, and tears of joy came with misery, lofty expectations you could never reach, fear of approval and being liked – you need to look at the entire picture, not just your selective snapshots of the good. Maybe you’re addicted to abuse, mistreatment, the fear of abandonment, or not being enough. And I guess I should ALSO say – if you don’t let the wrong people go, the right people can and will never enter your life. I can think of many examples in scripture of how God’s new beginnings came after some necessary benedictions. Learn the blessing of having some funerals.

I could go on and on, but here is what I wish to plant into the orbit of my own blog – learn from your experience(s), and allow God His providential right in using those experiences to make you better, stronger and wiser. Allow God the opportunity to shape snd mold you into a more refined and better image of your true self.

It is also important for you to determine that the people who don’t like you, hate you, mistreat you or betray you may have done those things because of their own deficiencies or personal struggles that have nothing to do with you. Quit taking it personal. We are all on a journey; and we all need space to grow, learn, fall, get back up, say we are sorry and experience forgiveness.

Amid all of my losses and struggles (as many of you reading) I have experienced some of my greatest blessings and miracles in 2021.

I am praying for you; and that second half of 2021 even exceeds the previous.

What about you? How has God been blessing and challenging you in 2021? If this blog is a blessing to you, please subscribe and share with others. I would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

klp3

Posted in Christian Living, Church Life, Leadership, Pastoring, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged ministry, Reflections, struggle | Leave a comment

04 Feb 2021

4 Comments

Here’s Your Invitation

Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn her seven pillars.
²She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table.
³She has sent out her young women to call from the highest places in the town,
⁴“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” To him who lacks sense she says,
⁵“Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed.
⁶Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” – Proverbs 9:1-6 (ESV)

There’s an invitation for you!

In Proverbs 9 we see of Wisdom and Folly as rival young women. Each of them are preparing a lavish feast; and both of them are inviting people to attend. Solomon gives a disclaimer – Wisdom is a responsible woman of character while Folly is a prostitute serving stolen food. Wisdom appeals to the mind and heart. Folly appeals to the senses and impulsivity. Solomon contends that it is easier to excite the senses, but the pleasures of Folly are temporary and destructive. Conversely, the satisfaction that Wisdom brings yields lasting results, though often slow in it’s activation and can be easily abandoned by distractions, personal pursuits, and legitimate demands.

Lady Wisdom calls for us to find the right directions to her house where the feast awaits us. What moves us toward growth in either Wisdom or Folly are ultimately the love, commitment, and priorities that drive us. Think about it this way – you cannot overcome unforgiveness if your driving force is being in control. You cannot overcome bitterness or slander if you are driven by the approval of people. You cannot overcome workaholism if you are consumed by the accumulation of status, money, or affirmation. What we learn in choosing the invitation to join in and attend to the feast with Wisdom is more than WILLPOWER. If we ever seek to gradually grow and become ‘better’, it is through a reordering of our desires that will bring wisdom.

The way of wisdom is not through a quick fix, trending gimmicks, or a dramatic turnaround. The way of wisdom is traveling down the road each day that entails long training and daily discipline and….FOCUS. While focus can be mind and will; it is HEART. Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to, ““Guard your heart above all else, for from it flow the issues of life”. Don’t just believe in the goodness of God–but savor Him and His power and His heart in WORSHIP. God desires our unreserved pursuit of Him, such that our desire pursues to dine and commune with Him as we seek His face and heart, not only his hands (what He gives).

“Come and dine!” There are two houses and two invitations. Again….wisdom offers you a banquet of bread, meat, and wine; folly offers you stolen bread and water. Wisdom promises you life, but if you eat at folly’s table, you will die.

The banquet described in Proverbs 9 has an interesting parallel to Christ’s parable described in Luke 14:15-24. In Christ’s parable, many are invited but never make it to the celebration because thy are sidetracked by other activities that seem more important at the time. Today, don’t let anything become more important than your pursuit of God and your search for His wisdom.

What or who is vying for your attention today? Pastors and leaders…how are you deciphering what is pressing versus what is a priority? Christian…is there anything in your life that knocks God off of the throne of your heart, and inhibits your pursuit of God fully and completely?

Wisdom.
Folly.
Which house will you enter?

Please share your thoughts in the comments. I would love to hear from you!

Please like this blog, follow us; and share with a friend. – Pastor P.

Posted in Christian Living, devotion, Learning, Prayer, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation

03 Feb 2021

1 Comment

What Do You Say?

“Kraig, what do you say?”

Growing up as a “PK”, aka “A Preacher’s Kid”, and the son of active church members, this is a question I heard quite often. After one of the church members would come up to us, give us a gift or a piece of candy, my mother would assert, “….what do you say?” The correct response was, “Thank You!” Growing up, I was a very quiet kid. Preaching at 15, followed by college, ministry, and pastoring pushed me out of my proverbial shell. But in those moments as a little child, after receiving the gift, I would hold my head down, stare at the ground, with no expression.

In leadership we understand that every member of our team has an innate desire to be valued, needed, recognized, applauded, included. Each team member should be valued in the leader’s eyes. Of course, this applies to any relationship or friendship, and in any other arena where teamwork and comradery are involved. Leaders should be the first to recognize the accomplishments and achievements of others. Most people serve and work better when they are affirmed, applauded, and told they are appreciated for their work, commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness.

It is not by accident that Genesis 1:27 affirms for us that our first parents, Adam and Eve, were created in the image of God. The theological term we often use for this is imago Dei….that we are made in God’s image. This is not merely an anthropomorphic spotlight (hands, eyes, etc); but it is more an expression of our inherent, internal qualities and are intrinsically tied to who we are. These entail our tendencies (the good ones), our proclivities, are attributes, and the like – but without sin. We like intimacy, and we are prideful. We can become jealous, and despise enemies. Of course, these qualities and characteristics come from God – but He possesses these attributes without sin. Our sinful nature is what makes pride and jealousy and despising our enemies and our pursuit of intimacy so dangerous.

Here’s another one – God loves and craves affirmation. There are many examples in scripture of God seeking and desiring His people to bask in His presence, affirm His goodness, relish His power, massage His ego, and give Him the praise He so rightly deserves. As a matter of fact, when having a conversation with a Samaritan woman at a well, Jesus tells her in John 4:24 that God is “seeking worshippers….”.

How does this apply to you and I in this moment? I’m glad you asked!

I am sure you have so many things to complain about. Maybe there are some mistakes you’ve made in life recently that simply do not reflect the best version of ‘you.’ There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us that there can often seem very little good in the rest of us. There are so many who have lost their lives during this pandemic (with numbers continuing to rise), people who are apprehensive about the new vaccines, and fears and anxieties are high because of financial challenge, relational instability, loss of friendships, and the like.

In the midst of it all….I contend there is something you have left. There is the gift of your praise and worship and gratitude to your Father! Whatever you are facing today, the more you lavish your affection upon Him, He will fill you with His presence and His power.

In your hurt….thank Him.
In the midst of your despair….worship Him.
After your errors…return to your place of worship, and bow before Him.

There are things and people and problems and situations in your life that will seek all of your attention and allegiance today. Consequently, the things that have your allegiance and your attention, will also have your affection. The Bible calls these ‘idols.’

I want to encourage and admonish you – whenever you are tempted to amplify non-essential, temporal things, shift your attention toward the God Who longs to hear you talk to Him (Jeremiah 33:3), long for Him (Psalm 42:1), and abide in Him (John 15).

What do you say? Tell Him “Thank You!”

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Posted in Christian Living, Leadership, Learning, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation

10 Jun 2020

4 Comments

2020 MidYear Review…

If you’ve never read any of my blogs since 2008 or so, I’d encourage you to atleast read the one before this one. I would also encourage you to subscribe; as well as share this blog with someone you may know. My blogs (when I do write) are intentionally candid, transparent and brutally honest. As a ‘church kid’ I do still remain subtle and try to remain ‘politically correct’, to protect the innocent, the faint of heart; and most importantly, the people I love; and my church.

That being said….

If you take the time to read my last post back in January…there is a glimmer of excitement, hope and relief. Contained therein, there is an unspoken sense of ‘I’ve been through the storm and rain; and 2020 is going to be an exciting year.

For ALL (or most) of us….I sure seemed off. This has been some kind of year. I’ve seen so many memes referencing 2020; and how rough this year has been, from ‘Can we just skip the 2020 album, and go to the next 2021 track’ to so many others. My favorite has been the meme I saw by one of my friends I’ll call ‘CBB’. She is a former member of our church; and she never disappoints with the memes. The meme is entitled, ‘If 2020 was a slide’. The slide is a cheese grater!

For me….as I wrote my last blog, I knew God was leading me to make a decision in my own life and ministry; that I had prayed so many times about, over a couple of years. I’d promised the Lord that I would move in His time; and no matter what anyone said, I would move on His timetable. As I wrote the last blog, I didn’t even know if I’d be bold enough to obey God; or how my decision would effect anyone involved. What I did know is that I feared God, more than anyone else. My intention is not to go into details regarding any of that. My intention is to say to you – after I moved in the direction God instructed me to move, I traveled to Jacksonville, Florida for the Southern Baptist Pastor’s Conference, held at First Baptist Church in Jacksonville. The conference was empowering, enlightening; and the things I learned and the people I met simply made the time there seem like things were just coming together. I had never been to SBC’s Pastor’s conference held at First Baptist Jacksonville. My father had been while I was in high school; and Jerry Vines and Mac Brunson (their previous pastors) were two of my favorites. But it is just a plethora of encouragement, insights and empowerment.

Lord knows I needed it. 2019 (so I thought) was a rough year…just dealing with a suprising loss in our church family. One brother we lost was such a major encouragement to me personally. He was not a deacon or a trustee. He wasn’t an usher or a Sunday School teacher. He was just a ‘regular guy’ from Louisiana, retired from Delta Airlines; and just supported his new pastor. He had been on oxygen for a couple of years; and had been struggling through that; having good days and bad days. But I just admired how he would make his way to Bible Studies on Wednesday nights; how he would help with our security and safety personnel; and he never left church without talking to me. One Sunday I was in the foyer greeting parishioners as they departed; and he was waiting (as usual) for me to finish. Finally, he said he’d see me on Wednesday night. A day or so later, he was gone. I never shall forget doing something I advise no pastor (especially a professional chaplain) to do. There in the hospital, in front of his wife and daughter, I broke down and cried like a little baby. As some know, I am not a crier. Little did I know that God was preparing my tear ducts for 2020. I miss him so much; and he will be one of the first men I look for, after I see Jesus.

During my time in Jacksonville, my father met me there; along with a dear friend of my family, whom I call my uncle. Being an alumnus from Dallas Baptist and Southwestern Seminary, it was also a joy to see quite a few old colleagues, professors, classmates, etc. I was unsettled by the brewing tensions 2020 would bring; but excited about pleasing God.

I did something I don’t normally do, in 15 years of pastoring – I stayed over Sunday. I visited my friend, H.B. Charles’ church (Shiloh in Jacksonville). After church, I spoke to one of my best friends, Bertrain Bailey; and we shared our Sunday experiences, as we often do. Of course, I didn’t have much to say. I hadn’t preached; and I had only heard reports of the great time our people had back at home as Shiloh in Fort Worth. As we spoke, Bertrain tells me, ‘Man…I’m seeing on the news that Kobe Bryant just died.’ My closest friends know I have always been a Kobe fan; and would always argue that he was better than the inimitable Michael Jordan. As a matter of fact, my intention was to name my youngest son Kobe; to no avail. I told him, ‘Don’t play like that. We don’t play about Kobe.’ He said, ‘No dude, I’m seeing this on the news.’ From there…It has been a blur.

Kobe was, in fact, killed, along with others, in a helicopter crash; and the world rocked. Without even settling down long enough, we were hit by the Coronavirus Pandemic. And most recently, the injustices of the killings of unarmed black men and women; and the outrage that now ensues. If things could get no worse – with family members who have fallen ill, members of my church losing family members, etc; the shocking loss of Pastor Manson B. Johnson of the Holman Street Baptist Church, has dealt another devastating blow.

Here is my summation to this blog…just in case you think the world revolves around your little worries; God knows how to allow a world of bigger problems to eclipse what you are facing.

To be sure, the things in my world continue to move on and move forward. It is my prayer that God will continue to show Himself faithful, in the midst of any challenge any of us may face, individually or in this world. Never forget the words of 1 Peter 5:7, which says, “Casting all your care upon Him; for he cares for you.’

Nobody told you that the road was going to be easy. If they did, they lied to you! As long as you live this life, and seek to make an imprint, there will be challenges along the way. It is so important to:

1. Remain Prayerful
2. Trust God (In God we trust, everyone else we thoroughly investigate)
3. Follow His Word
4. Walk with Integrity
5. Write everything down, including your story
6. Treat people right
7. Let God fight your battles

The good news is – if you’re reading this blog, you made it through some of the worst times in human history!!! Just think – we get to live in this time. And God is so gracious to allow us to experience it.

Be encouraged as you go throughout this process. May you find joy on your journey!

Posted in Christian Living, Current Events, Leadership, Learning, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged Blogging, Inspiration, jacksonville, Pandemic, Pastor's Conference, Reflections

07 Jan 2020

6 Comments

Handling Stress

2019 was a very challenging year for me. In my estimation, it was probably the most challenging for me in ministry and personally.

Everything that could go wrong, almost did (I am very careful to say ‘almost’, because things could’ve always been much worse).

As I look back over my life, the end of a decade has typically been challenging for me. In early 1999, a relationship that meant very much to me officially ended. While it ended in 1998, I felt the effects of its dissolution; and trying to pick up the pieces the following year. To say it devastated my life would be an understatement. To this day, I know that it was only by God’s love, Grace and providence I made it through that.

In 2009, I was pastoring my first church. We were struggling to remain afloat. We went to a new location the previous year; and there was not a favorable response to the change. I couldn’t understand it, because it was the nicest building we’d ever worshipped in. Only years later did I realize some fundamental things that contributed to what I was experiencing, which I won’t share in this post. Added to the stress of a struggling church that couldn’t afford to support itself, let alone me and my family, I was completing my Master of Divinity degree in Biblical Languages at Southwestern Seminary. And if things could not get any worse, Dee and I had a miscarriage in May of that year, and another several months later.

Even years after, I can naturally see how those situations grew me; but still find it hard to see why God didn’t answer some of my prayers (keep me in that relationship or let me child/children live). I just know it shaped me into the man I am. However, I do live with scars; and I have a limp.

At the beginning of 2019, I made a post on my Facebook social media page…

It was a noble, sincere and faith-filled post. It had nothing to do with ANY one person, and it certainly had nothing to do with any of my obligations (family, church, friendships, etc). It was a general post!

Someone said that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Satan heard it; and God permitted him to use anything and anybody to stress me out, INCLUDING MYSELF. In fact, myself more than anyone else.

As a consequence, I became someone I did not know and did not like. Because of my youth in 1999, I learned how to not always lash out at those close to me as I did when I was only 19 (atleast the ones who weren’t lashing out at me), and because of everything that went on in 2009, I learned to suffer silently, put on my ministry face, be Pastoral, preach and do my job….

I allowed my perceptions of people’s issues to become personal for me. I allowed the problems and mistreatment of people I love and care about to stress me out, especially because I wanted to fix the situation. I even became stressed over loved ones and friends who felt I wasn’t giving them enough or calling them enough. I allowed other people’s fights (whether family or in church) to become my burden and problem. If a member left because of a divorce or conflict with someone else in our church, it hurt me and I took their leaving as personal. Even more…it causes me to see that I hadn’t fully confronted some of the truths and lessons God was trying to teach me in 1999 and 2009. Little did I know that my loss in 1999 and my challenges in 2009 were equipping me for the struggles I’d experience in 2019; that I may have 2020 Vision.

While I could make this post a Part 1 of a 3-part series, I’ll just express my few reflections here.

1) God has never promised that life or people or situations would come without friction.

2) God can handle people and things better than you.

3) Things and people will only have as much power as you give them.

3) Embrace the fact that many of the things, and people, that you are stressing about, probably aren’t stressing over you. These aren’t fabricationals.

5) Whether the problems or people are temporary or permanent, give it to God, show compassion, forgive yourself and then let if go.

6) Be thankful and grateful for the people, especially the God, you stress out continuously…who are patient, loving and present in your life.

This year…I will not abandon my intention. But I choose to believe I can determine its place in my life.

I pray for each person who is struggling today; and already stressed out in 2020. No matter what occurred yesterday, may you realize God’s overwhelming love for you; His purpose for your life; and use whatever energy for stress, toward fulfilling God’s promises in your life.

I hope to do that by sharing my story in the blog. Please subscribe and also share. Also…I would love to hear from you in the comments. Blessings!

Posted in Christian Living, Random Thoughts, Social Life, Spiritual Formation and tagged Reflections

17 May 2019

9 Comments

Farewell, Servant…

fullsizeoutput_5a00 I have never fully dreaded the idea of attending the homegoing of a family member. When my mother in law’s brother, Marvin Small, passed away…I felt it slightly. But I never will forget the last time I saw him outside of our local neighborhood grocery store, sitting in his car….Uncle Marvin gave me a look of farewell. I felt a sense of closure. I eagerly gathered up the strength to be there for the extended family who had become my own, and our young son, Kai, who grew to know and love the quiet uncle who lived a few houses down the street from us. I slightly dreaded attending that funeral; but this is different.

My Uncle Lloyd is gone. The tears I shed just even writing those words are hard to explain, especially for a man who never, ever cries; not even really much when my grandfathers passed away. Getting the news from my first cousin this past Monday….upon hanging up the phone, I cannot explain the feelings that overtook me in that moment. My father’s only living brother; the patriarch of our family….now gone.

Growing up with hearing problems, I used to think he was the visible twin of the invisible God because it seemed as if everyone called him “Lord!” My brothers called him “Uncle Lord!” And my own father called him “Lord!” I determined he was somebody important!

Over time, not only did I learn the difference between Lord and Lloyd, but I grew to appreciate his ubiquitous presence at monumental events. As I grew, I would learn that DFW was not some hop, skip and jump from the Sparkling City by the Sea. And yet….he was at my first sermon, there for every milestone event in the life of our family; and could always be heard in any setting….especially church.

People loved to hear him sing “I Won’t Complain” and “My Soul Has Been Anchored.” But to hear him sing “Because He Lives” was my favorite. He sang it in March of 1994, at my first public sermon, during the invitation.

Behind the scenes…he gave me a heads up on approaching a young lady from Houston I had been admiring at his church, who would eventually become my wife. Behind the scenes…I called him in the Fall of 2015 to ask him about a church in Atlanta, and he instructed me to, rather, submit my inquiry and information to Shiloh in Fort Worth…a church I knew nothing about; and the place where I now pastor; and hope to retire. My first 5-day revival, as a teenager, was at his church, St. Emmanuel, in Denton. Surprisingly, amidst the poor sermons I preached, he’d invite me back a few times afterwards. Eventually, he influenced Pastor R.L. Sanders to preach me each year in revival in Fort Worth. In time, that led way to preaching in Oklahoma for many years for Pastor J. A. Reed, Jr. When he was healthy, Uncle Lloyd would attend those revivals, even the ones in Oklahoma, regularly and nightly.

Several years ago…Uncle Lloyd had a stroke. Eventually, this led to his retiring from Pastoring. It did not alter his mind; but it did slow him down. I could see some changes in his life. But I never saw him waver on his call and his love for God. I am certain he wondered why God wouldn’t have healed him completely. I am also sure, like anyone, it was challenging to depend on others to do for him what he once did for himself. I would confide in him my wish for him to capitalize on what he had been left with, by God. But I personally would ask God often to give him more years, more time, and healing.

The last time I saw him…I felt I saw a glimmer of hope. For the first time in a long while, he didn’t go to sleep on me. He was talking and smiling; and sounding like his old self. He perked up when talking about George McCalep, as we always did; and about his ministry that he had been planning to launch and expand. It was like old times. We talked about barbecue, Shiloh, and family.

I finally expressed to him that I was leaving to head back to Keller. And he said to me, “Before you leave, will you pray?” I prayed with my Uncle. I didn’t pray for healing (I honestly felt that God was answering that prayer). I simply thanked the Lord for the journey. I thanked the Lord for His peace. I thanked Him for my Uncle. I thanked the Lord for Aunt Janice, their children, grandchildren, friends and family. I asked the Lord to let us all know beyond a shadow of any doubt that He is God and God all by Himself. After our prayer together, I told him I love him and I would see him soon.

My dread of attending my Uncle’s home going is not because of any regret; but it is in the fact that I just wished he had more time. This loss has taken me to a new, somber, unexpected place. It is hard to believe I will never hear his voice alive, on this side, again. It is so hard to believe that the man who was always present for us (even after his stroke)….now rests in the arms of our Savior. But somewhere through here there is a lesson about submitting to the will and wisdom of God. All of our steps are ordered, including his and mine. When our work is completed, until the final chapter….God will have the last word. I thank the Lord for my Aunt Janice, who never wavered on fulfilling the vows “for better or worse; in sickness and in health….till death do us part.” She is to be commended and applauded for all she has done.

My Uncle will be missed by many.

Oh, I’m certain he wasn’t perfect. But I am certain he is in the presence of my Savior…..healed, whole, lifting up both of his hands, walking, SINGING, shouting, crying, rejoicing and worshipping.

Uncle Lloyd in now in the presence of the LORD!

I’ll see him soon….but not yet!

Celebration of Life for Reverend Lloyd Anthony Pullam will be as follows:
Viewing on Friday, May 17th from 12-8pm
People’s Funeral Home
1122 E Mulberry Street
Denton, Texas 76205

Funeral Service on Saturday, May 18th 11am
St Andrew COGIC
608 Lakey Street
Denton, Texas 76205

Posted in Christian Living, Family, Random Thoughts and tagged family, Inspiration

23 Nov 2018

5 Comments

Integrity versus Perfection

Living in the public square and the fishbowl of Pastoral ministry, I have often felt the pressure of being dissected by others. As a PK (aka Preacher’s Kid), this comes with the terrain. Even more, being the “kid” of a man and minister (William Lanier Pullam) who could do no wrong to me as a Christian, husband, father, spiritual leader and friend to others, in a small town where everybody knows everyone…could often be a challenge. I’ve met countless PK’s who developed a sense of resentment, even anger, towards the church and church leaders because of the display of hypocrisy, duplicity, inconsistency and the like exemplified by people in the church. This breaks my heart. On the one hand it breaks my heart because the church can be such a ‘messy’ place. Church people, in the scripture, are likened to sheep. Sheep get dirty. Tragically, we often fail to comprehend our ‘sheepish’ comparison and reality. On the other hand, I think that we subconsciously lift people to a standard that they can never realistically attain. It is really a standard upon which only Christ can be seated.

I began blogging in 2006. And over the course of the past twelve years (particularly the past several) I have blogged less and less. For me, writing and blogging has been cathartic; and it has been a way for me to process my thoughts and to shape direction in my own life. But, as my life moved more into a public light, I felt as if my quest for integrity became stifled. It would irk me to blog about something; and then the next several days become aware of how my life did not reflect what I had written about. After a while, I no longer knew what to write about…so enamored in how I might contradict what I’d said…if just a minuscule deviation of my words or thoughts.

Then I read that the definition of perfection is “without blemish”. Interestingly, those who are in Christ are “without blemish.” But the key difference in what tormented me and what the scripture says about being unblemished is crucial: one is built on LAW; and the other is settled in GRACE.

The law tells us to “Do.” Grace informs us it is “Done!”
The law teaches us that we have missed the mark; and grace reminds us that Christ has won the race and settled the debt.

In Psalm 17, David asks the Lord to vindicate him, and to protect him from his enemies and foes. I find it interesting that David uses as his collateral to God’s answering his prayer is his integrity. Really? David? The notorious rebel of the Old Testament? It is then that we must understand that integrity is not perfection. It is exposing one’s self before the sovereign Lord; and giving God a heart of surrender. We often quote David as being, “A man after God’s heart.” Kenneth Ulmer has said, “The issue was never David’s heart. It was the heart that David was running after.” I contend!

We will fail. We will make mistakes. We will be imperfect. Integrity understands this where perfection cannot. Integrity also gives permission for others to fail, make mistakes and be imperfect.

Granted…this is not a license to live a double-faced, reckless, ungodly life. We should want, more than anything, to walk the lives that we talk. As Christians, spouses, parents, disciples and leaders…this should be our aspiration. It is my sincere hope and prayer to live in a way that reflects the character of Christ (amid my own imperfections), in a way that ultimately points to God’s glory.

I don’t need to be perfect; because Jesus was; and because He is. You don’t either. His grace is sufficient where the law and man’s standard falls way too short. Live in this truth and act like you’re free…because you are!

Posted in Christian Living, Leadership, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged Integrity, life, ministry, Perfection, Truth

17 Oct 2016

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He’s Looking At You

Over the course of this past week, I have had the opportunity to fellowship with several Pastors and Leaders within Shiloh and in the city of Fort Worth. This has been a tall feat; but ultimately the rewards of such have outweighed and minimized the task altogether. But I must admit…the highlight of my week began on the 2nd Sunday. While in my office, talking to several church leaders before the start of Worship, the phone rang in my office. I answered! Someone asked, “Hello, is the new Pastor of Shiloh preaching this morning?” My response: “I believe he is. If he is not preaching, I’ve not received the memo!” As it so happens, the person asking the question happened to be the assistant of one of my preaching heroes, Pastor Isadore Edwards. He is the Pastor Emeritus of the New Rising Star Baptist Church of Fort Worth; having served there as Pastor for over 40 years. He and my predecessor, Dr. Albert Emmit Chew, Jr. were very good friends. Interestingly, I’d learned a few weeks earlier that Pastor Chew helped to found New Rising Star, and was responsible for Pastor Edwards’ going there and serving as Pastor there. As I had heard around town…Pastor Edwards wanted to hear me preach; and had intentions of stopping by Shiloh to hear me. He wasted no time! As service began, he came in with several preachers, sat on the front row and quietly listened in as I preached.

My Sermon for the day came out of Romans 15:1-7. The title: Let’s Stay Together.

For some reason, God has wasted no time leading me to deal with some very intense passages of scripture during the opening weeks of my time at Shiloh. This sermon was about unity and living in harmony as fellow-believers, amid our varying distinctions, preferences and ideologues. I was on-edge regarding the message. The presence of Pastor Edwards, I admit, intensified my internal tensions and prayers.

Earlier in the week, I received a call from one of the deacons at New Rising Star, stating Pastor Edwards enjoyed the message, and his affirmation that I was a gifted student of God’s Word; and that he would like to have lunch. I was informed that Pastor Edwards, who is now 90, has good days and bad days; and that he may not talk much, but still has his memory and enjoys good fellowship.

As we dined together, I had an interesting discourse with Pastor Edwards.

I told him how pleased I was to have had him in service; and admitted to him I was nervous, after listing him as one of my favorite preachers growing up. That’s not hyperbole. He was, and still is!!!

Here’s what followed….

Him: Why were you nervous? Me: Because as I was preaching, I could look out right in front of me, and see you. Him: Can’t you see Jesus in front of you while you preach? Me: yessir, but I’m not looking at him physically. Him: You can believe He’s looking at YOU!

I was floored and speechless! He got me!!! Jesus is looking at me.

Whether it is my character; my witness; my preaching or leading God’s Precious people; leading my family or my personal devotion – He is looking at me!!!

In the midst of his seasoned years and waning strength, God used Pastor Edwards, to reassure and afffirm His all-seeing eye is on me, as it was on Pastor Edwards’ old friend, Pastor Albert E. Chew, Jr. God knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it most; and I am grateful for the angels (messengers) He sends along the way, to remind me of His constant presence in my life and ministry.

Posted in Christian Living, Leadership, Pastoring, Preaching, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged Chew, Edwards, Isadore, Providence, testimony

26 Jul 2016

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Enjoying the Process (Pastoring)

I began pastoring my first church in March of 2005. At 26 years of age, married with a 2-year old son, I had absolutely no idea what it took to pastor or lead a congregation. Because I had been preaching since the age of 15; and the youngest son of a pastor…I thought I knew. But Bible College and seminary training did not prepare me for what I would encounter at 26. The Lord blessed me to preach almost every Sunday for four years, where I served as the Minister of Christian Education. My pastor let me preach each Sunday to the people in his congregation during the early service there. But my four years of preaching did not quite prepare me for what I would experience in pastoral ministry. Too often we can make the mistake of thinking we can handle certain functions because it either looks easy, or it seems as if we have all of the appropriate answers for any given situation. Even now, Donald Trump’s rhetoric will change regarding some of his promises if he were to receive the vote of the American people and actually become the President of the United States. This same truth applies to Hillary Clinton as well.

By far, pastoring has been one of the most difficult tasks in my own life. Being the husband of D’Ani seems easy. Being the father of Kai, Kaden and Karter….well, that’s another story. But I digress!

Going back to my first pastorate…it was a new church! The pressure of starting a new work (specifically, a ‘cold start’) is second to none. It is one thing to start a new church that is branching off from another congregation (either a split or from a sponsoring church), it is something altogether different to start from scratch. No money. No building. No sponsors. No members! Just….a dream…

As I reflect, I would have done quite a few things differently. If I had pastored my SECOND church FIRST, I would have saved myself some of the trials I faced along the way; and I would have become more appreciative of the things that come with a new ministry that you are forced to endure in the old. It being my first church, and the church I started…it became my baby. Consequently, I didn’t give away enough of the ministry to others. I carried the bulk of the burden, particularly financially, upon myself and my family. When the church struggled, it fell upon me and my family. This, of course, is the price we pay for ministry. The ultimate hurt is when the church does well; and some wonder why those who’ve sacrificed are benefactors of that blessing. Ultimately, I should have been doing better financially, already finished seminary and prepared to carry the finances of the church, with or without anything in return. Ultimately, I loved Cornerstone in a way that I will never adequately describe; and the people of Cornerstone loved me and my family in a way that cannot be put into words. Not a day passes that I don’t think about and have fond memories for, “My First Church.”

In my second pastorate…I was at a different place in my life: 6 years later; over a decade-long marriage; 3 children…seminary degree complete; nice chaplaincy job in Houston. Things were better for us personally. I was learning so much in the chaplaincy about pastoral care, ministering to hurting people and specializing with those who were mentally ill, along with a specialization in AIDS/HIV patients…my preaching and my ministry to the people to whom I was pastoring was transformed. In a real sense, the issues I would encounter in my current pastorate paled in comparison to the many of the issues I’d faced in the hospital (at Ben Taub in Houston). AGAIN….I am certain I’ve made mistakes along the way. I often wonder how effective I’ve been as a bi-vocational and commuting pastor. I have often wondered how many more relationships I could have cultivated in the city and at my own church had I not been on the road, or been so busy in my travels. At other times, I am amazed at how God has blessed our congregation; and how far we’ve come spiritually and in many other ways, since my arrival over 5 years ago. The challenges I had in my first pastorate were different from the challenges in my current. My greatest challenge (as I reflect) has been being an agent of change. In an older congregation, especially Baptist…not everyone is welcoming toward change. This is just a reality. As strange as it seems…I knew this by the time I came into my congregation at Mt. Salem. I knew (as I do now) that change must be gradual; and that patience is a powerful virtue. For example, I waited an entire year before starting a praise team. When I eventually did, I didn’t call is a ‘praise team.’ I called it the “A.L. Randon Ensemble”, named after the longest-tenured pastor of our church. The term “praise team” can be threatening to some who know nothing but choirs in the “old church”. And, for the same demographic, ‘praise team’ and ‘praise dance’ are one and the same.

Over the years, I’ve gradually implemented change….at a much slower rate than I either have wanted or anticipated. But the most important thing (atleast in my context and in light of our church’s history before I arrived) that the Holy Spirit impressed upon me was for UNITY to remain in our congregation. For this to occur, I could not and cannot have one generation competing against another. This would have brought in a busload of new, young people. Because of my experience, I know how to get that demographic in the building… But I will never forget my pastor telling me that much of pastoring is about the “managing of many personalities”. In this instance, it is not just about gaining new people; but about resisting the need to damage the faith of some mother in the church who has been apart of the same congregation for 50 years. Make no mistake…change MUST occur. And I am not suggesting that any given pastor should stunt their growth to cater to the midget-mindset of an individual who is centered on self and convenience. I am simply saying that pastors should be sensitive in not burning bridges to get to the next town. In this case, PEOPLE are our bridges!

I know that my blog is long and it seems as if I am rambling. But there is a method to my madness. I do have a point. In a few weeks I will celebrate 38 years of life. My point is: ALL of this has been a part of my journey. I would not have been as sensitive to the feelings of others at Mt. Salem if I had not gone through some of the backlash of not consulting anyone and just moving, at my first church. I would have not been as prepared for the journey personally and in my own financial life for my second church, if I had not gone through some of the financial struggles in starting a church in my mid-20’s while in seminary, after leaving my job at a church to start that new work in ministry.

Here’s my ultimate point: ENJOY THE PROCESS. And LEARN from the process. LEARN to manage WHERE YOU ARE with gratitude and humility. Don’t take for granted that God is at work. EVERY SINGLE THING has led me to where I am at this very moment. God has blessed me tremendously!

Spiritually – I’m growing.

Domestically – I am married to the woman of my dreams, with 3 healthy boys who are active, smart and growing in their knowledge of Who Christ is.

Financially – I’m not a millionaire; but I have everything I need, and much of what I desire (I don’t desire much!)

Ultimately…I am enjoying the process! My encouragement to someone reading this blog is for you to enjoy the process as well. Stop listening to the voices of the enemy. I have this voice that likes to remind me of much I have not accomplished at 37. “You’ve done this and you’ve been there….BUT…”

Get this: I am where God wants me to be. My job is to do the BEST with what I am given; and to remain faithful; and to BLOOM where I am PLANTED. I am doing that; and I am grateful!!! This is my continual prayer for me, my family and for you.

Posted in Christian Living, Church Life, Leadership, Pastoring, Random Thoughts and tagged church, Cornerstone, leadership, leading, Pastoring, process, salem

28 May 2016

8 Comments

My Dad’s Day of Birth!

Today is my father’s day of birth! He is 67 years old. I am grateful to God the Father for giving me the best “Daddy” in the WORLD! Not a single day goes by that I don’t examine the course of my life and use my father as the example and epitome of what it means to be a servant, lover of people, man of integrity, companion to my mother and spiritual leader. From a very young age, I’ve been a ‘Daddy’s boy’. I admired my father so much that I would get into his things (especially his books) just to have something that belonged to him. (Sidenote: 1) that didn’t always go so well 2) I’m now reaping the consequences of my actions through my own sons.) Long before I started preaching, he would let me ride with him to the local post office and Lifeway (then called “The Baptist Bookstore”). I loved to be around my Dad!!!! Even when I became a teenager and went through the period where he would ‘get on my nerves’, I still admired him, respected him and even wanted to be in his presence. He is a great man. Anyone who personally knows him would agree. He is a great Pastor. He is an awesome son. He is an exemplar of a husband and father. He has lead by example; and for that I am grateful.

I remember all of the moments of ‘correction’ he infringed upon me. It hurt me more emotionally than it did physically; because I knew that I had let him down and disappointed him. I also remember how he lovingly listened to me, prayed with me, sent me back to pray some more when I was struggling at 15 on the divine call to preach God’s Word. I remember how he would express his disappointment when I would make mistakes along the way. I also remember how he delicately, lovingly and spiritually walked with me when I made a relational mishap at only 19 and he (along with my mother) became an anchor in my time of storm. That was one of the darkest moments in my life; and he walked with me and became my cheerleader! I remember during that time, he sent me a ‘cassette tape’ in the mail. I put it in my Mitsubishi Eclipse to play; and he had recorded for me Donnie Mcklurkin’s “Stand.” Not only did that serve for me as a ‘kairotic’ moment; but God used Him to give me hope and peace during a very difficult time in my life. In turn, through every life victory…he has been there. Thank the Lord there have been more victories than defeats!!!

Unfortunately, I have not been the best son in the world, in many regards. While I haven’t burdened him with rebellious, embarrassing or traumatic life-decisions, events and actions, I haven’t always been the best at communicating my love in ways that can be felt and always heard. I am often ‘troubled’ by the fact that he gives more to me than I give to him. It seems that I could never outgive him; and that he will never be more prouder of me than I am of him…no matter where I travel, to whom I preach, how much I come to think I know, how great my wife and children are or what degrees and achievements may hang on the wall. But make no mistake. If I were standing in the presence of the Queen of England; and the President of the United States calls; and my Dad calls…..my father’s call is much more important. The President would have to wait. I love him! I respect him! And in my book….there is no greater man who has ever walked the earth, after Jesus Christ.

I don’t know how life will all work out. In fact, those who read my blog don’t know either. We have plans. But our plans are often thrown off course and cast into the river of history. My dad could outlive my entire immediate family and myself. That’s quite possible, as healthy as he is! But should the time come where I see his life eclipsed by the setting sun; and he sticks his platinum sword in the sand of time…my heart will inevitably break; and I will cry. My preaching would not be the same. My heart would not be the same. But at some moment, in some way….I will smile; and thank my Heavenly Father for counting me worthy to be the baby son (even though he wanted a girl!) of the greatest person born on May 28, 1949.

I can only pray for many more years of health, peace, joy and victory for my Dad…and the GREATEST year of life for him at 67!! Happy Birthday Daddy!

Posted in Family, Random Thoughts and tagged birthday, Dad, Father, pullam, william

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Kraig Lowell Pullam

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