Spiritual Formation | Kraig Lowell Pullam

Archive for the category “Spiritual Formation”

23 Jun 2021

’21 Reflection

Well….

It has been four months since last blogging on February 8, 2021. In February I was excited about the year, blogging weekly, hesitant about the covid-19 vaccine, excited about new relationships, sad about the ending of old ones, but overall optimistic about 2021.

Following that week, DFW experienced a major snowstorm. Amid the accidents, deaths, power outages, and the like, I was trying to navigate through my own challenges and storms. In the strangest way, I have experienced some great losses but even some greater gains.

If there is anything we continue to see in the midst of a continued pandemic are people’s true colors. I’ve found myself saying to myself over and over again, in the midst of the world’s anxiety, people lashing out at others, cutting off others, and the like, ‘Man…that is not them’ or ‘They are acting out of character’ or ‘That’s not the person I/we know’. Here’s the truth – the person who shows up when the rubber meets the road, or when there is a crisis or victory, is really who they are. We think that some people are acting out of character when, in reality, that is who they were the entire time.

Being in the church world, and in the world in general, it’s going to happen to you and I. And as strange as it seems, you will and I will sometimes be the antagonist. Let’s face it – we are not always our best selves. There are times when we simply weren’t all that impressive to God and others, and the others who were around in your not-so-impressive state determined that was the sum total of YOU, and kept that permanent snapshot of you in their mind and narrative.

This blog may seem vague and akin to a maze probably because on one hand it is. I cannot be detailed because it simply applies to so many dynamics in my life in 2021 that it seems almost surreal (yet liberating). On the other…I need those of you who read this to apply it to YOUR experience in your own life, now or when you need it later (because you will!)

I guess that brings me to the first lesson I’ve learned thus far this year – God is teaching me to be quiet and be still. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, ‘there is a time to search and a time to count as lost, a time to keep and a time to discard, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.…’ Quite a number of times, I’ve found the Spirit of God restraining me when I wanted to speak up. Don’t get me wrong, I have fumbled on this a number times; but I’ve certainly grown here. Cowardice has NEVRR been apart of my disposition. That is – the Inability to say what I need to say because I’m scared of what somebody thinks has never been one of my problems. So this is a new arena for me; and I do fail from time to time. What I’ve learned is to fall, and then get back up and do it again. You’ve heard the saying: ‘nobody can misquote silence.’

The second thing I am learning is to stop making so much effort trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Without any pun intended, this point needs no explanation. But I can say that my GREATEST critics today (without exception) are those I’ve invested the most time, energy, explanations, sit-down discussions, defended the most, given pleas for their understanding, all to no avail. While I do not regret having a good heart; I shake my head for wasting my time. What it has done is cause me to find the root as to why I sought approval and validation from people who I knew weren’t buying into me fully at the beginning, and felt the need to try and win them over anyway. Here’s the sad reality – most people will tell you what they think you’re worth or what you represent for them at the first meeting. You chose to either prove them wrong or affirm their warped and twisted psychology of you by suppressing your intuition and by attempting to supply their toxic need. It’s called CODEPENDENCE.

Third, God is teaching me to ride with the people who ride with you. During the pandemic, I have seen a number of mutual friends, church people, colleagues, family members, etc…. where they have fallen out with one another, but remain my friends. They both will tell me why I shouldn’t trust or like the other. I always say the same thing – ‘they didn’t do anything to me’. Now to be sure…I do have some relationships where: if my friend doesn’t mess with you, neither do I. However, that isn’t blanketed. There are times where I wait to see who shows me the character the other proclaims. So often…I have found that both parties have issues. I have even found that both parties have valid points. Then there are times where the other showed ME who they really were. This hurts, especially if I defended said church member, family member or friend. I strongly believe in the statement: In God we trust, everybody else we thoroughly investigate.

God is also teaching me that even some of the people who ride with you are only riding with you to hear your plans only to undermine them. It’s just a fact – some people hug you to find out where they can stab you. It is also a fact that some people remain in your circle just to find out your strategy and your business. Not everyone in your corner is on your team; and many people who are smiling in front of you are not clapping for you. In like manner, just because people are NOT applauding for you, doesn’t mean that they are your enemies. Some people just aren’t your flavor and you are not theirs. Be okay with that. But here is what I am learning: you do need some Judas’s in your camp sometimes to fulfill God’s purpose in your life; but make sure they aren’t in your inner circle. You will never reach your full potential when the people in your cabinet aren’t rooting for you. I have a friend who put it this way: some people are on the front row of your life; and you need to determine who is on the second row, etc. And then you need to find out who doesn’t even deserve to be in the auditorium. Which brings me to another lesson I’ve learned in this season…

Finally, I am learning that you must be okay with some closing acts. It’s so hard to say goodbye. It really is. We so desperately want to hold on to the things and people who’ve made us smile, laugh, cry tears of joy, created memories with and the like. On one side, please know that if you are trying to hold on to a reality that they are not, then what are you really holding on to? An illusion? They didn’t feel the same; and so you owe it to yourself to move on. On the other side…if those smiles, laughs, and tears of joy came with misery, lofty expectations you could never reach, fear of approval and being liked – you need to look at the entire picture, not just your selective snapshots of the good. Maybe you’re addicted to abuse, mistreatment, the fear of abandonment, or not being enough. And I guess I should ALSO say – if you don’t let the wrong people go, the right people can and will never enter your life. I can think of many examples in scripture of how God’s new beginnings came after some necessary benedictions. Learn the blessing of having some funerals.

I could go on and on, but here is what I wish to plant into the orbit of my own blog – learn from your experience(s), and allow God His providential right in using those experiences to make you better, stronger and wiser. Allow God the opportunity to shape snd mold you into a more refined and better image of your true self.

It is also important for you to determine that the people who don’t like you, hate you, mistreat you or betray you may have done those things because of their own deficiencies or personal struggles that have nothing to do with you. Quit taking it personal. We are all on a journey; and we all need space to grow, learn, fall, get back up, say we are sorry and experience forgiveness.

Amid all of my losses and struggles (as many of you reading) I have experienced some of my greatest blessings and miracles in 2021.

I am praying for you; and that second half of 2021 even exceeds the previous.

What about you? How has God been blessing and challenging you in 2021? If this blog is a blessing to you, please subscribe and share with others. I would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

klp3

Posted in Christian Living, Church Life, Leadership, Pastoring, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged ministry, Reflections, struggle | Leave a comment

08 Feb 2021

1 Comment

Winning Through Daily Discipline

Yesterday, Tom Brady & the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defeated Patrick Mahomes & the Kansas City Chiefs (31-9) in Super Bowl 55. So many were intrigued with the prospect of a forty-three year old Tom Brady (who some call ‘The G.O.A.T.’ in the NFL) could overcome the challenge of defeating the defending QB Super Bowl champion of 26 year old Mahomes (aka ‘The Kid”). Many wondered. Vegas placed their bets. Two opposing teams gave their best. Only one team won!

People desperately want to win at life. Whether it is a career, a relationship, a job situation, a bet, or game, or a quarrel… Everyone wants to succeed in everyday life, and Christian’s are no different. People search frantically for tips from books, horoscopes, periodicals, tarot cards, and from ‘experts’ on TV talk shows. Tragically, it seems as if Christians and Christ-followers are looking everywhere to learn how to ‘win’ at parenting, in finances, the workplace and other areas of life. Whether it is Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz or Oprah or Delilah After Dark or Dr. Laura – these persons will always fall short. Our greatest strength and clearest direction is sanctioned and situated in God’s Word; and not the manmade ideologies that direct the world.

We win through WISDOM. Wisdom emanates from God. We learn from God through His WORD.

Proverbs 1:1-2 speaks of our gaining of wisdom. The main word for wisdom in Proverbs (hokma) includes being moral but goes beyond that. It is the ability to make the right choice, even when there is no moral law directing us in a specific area. The three marks of wisdom are: discipline, discernment, and discretion.

Let’s take discipline. In verses 2 and 3 of Proverbs 1 we see instruction – training with strong accountability. It means being drilled and examined by an instructor who constantly remains in your face. So then, how does wisdom come?

Proverbs 27:5 tells us that it comes through the personal confrontation of a friend.
Proverbs 26:11 tells us that it comes from our mistakes.
Proverbs 3:11-12 tells us that it comes through the suffering and difficulty God allows in our lives.

To be certain, wisdom springs forth in us each time we journey through the wilderness and through the storms in our lives.

Wisdom’s trademark is when we become disciplined through every trial, test, and even temptation. This disciplined wisdom is not given to impulse, but to learning how many things require prayer, silence, peace, and surrender. Just as a musician can only become skilled through persistent practice, and an athlete can only become physically competent after rigorous training, so wisdom is won through the discipline of searching after God’s heart through His Word.

How have you grown in your daily walk with God in wisdom? What helps you become a more disciplined disciple and follower of Jesus Christ?

Please like, share, and follow our blog. I am praying you have a wonderful week.

Blessings!

Posted in Christian Living, devotion, Learning, Spiritual Formation

04 Feb 2021

4 Comments

Here’s Your Invitation

Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn her seven pillars.
²She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table.
³She has sent out her young women to call from the highest places in the town,
⁴“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” To him who lacks sense she says,
⁵“Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed.
⁶Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.” – Proverbs 9:1-6 (ESV)

There’s an invitation for you!

In Proverbs 9 we see of Wisdom and Folly as rival young women. Each of them are preparing a lavish feast; and both of them are inviting people to attend. Solomon gives a disclaimer – Wisdom is a responsible woman of character while Folly is a prostitute serving stolen food. Wisdom appeals to the mind and heart. Folly appeals to the senses and impulsivity. Solomon contends that it is easier to excite the senses, but the pleasures of Folly are temporary and destructive. Conversely, the satisfaction that Wisdom brings yields lasting results, though often slow in it’s activation and can be easily abandoned by distractions, personal pursuits, and legitimate demands.

Lady Wisdom calls for us to find the right directions to her house where the feast awaits us. What moves us toward growth in either Wisdom or Folly are ultimately the love, commitment, and priorities that drive us. Think about it this way – you cannot overcome unforgiveness if your driving force is being in control. You cannot overcome bitterness or slander if you are driven by the approval of people. You cannot overcome workaholism if you are consumed by the accumulation of status, money, or affirmation. What we learn in choosing the invitation to join in and attend to the feast with Wisdom is more than WILLPOWER. If we ever seek to gradually grow and become ‘better’, it is through a reordering of our desires that will bring wisdom.

The way of wisdom is not through a quick fix, trending gimmicks, or a dramatic turnaround. The way of wisdom is traveling down the road each day that entails long training and daily discipline and….FOCUS. While focus can be mind and will; it is HEART. Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to, ““Guard your heart above all else, for from it flow the issues of life”. Don’t just believe in the goodness of God–but savor Him and His power and His heart in WORSHIP. God desires our unreserved pursuit of Him, such that our desire pursues to dine and commune with Him as we seek His face and heart, not only his hands (what He gives).

“Come and dine!” There are two houses and two invitations. Again….wisdom offers you a banquet of bread, meat, and wine; folly offers you stolen bread and water. Wisdom promises you life, but if you eat at folly’s table, you will die.

The banquet described in Proverbs 9 has an interesting parallel to Christ’s parable described in Luke 14:15-24. In Christ’s parable, many are invited but never make it to the celebration because thy are sidetracked by other activities that seem more important at the time. Today, don’t let anything become more important than your pursuit of God and your search for His wisdom.

What or who is vying for your attention today? Pastors and leaders…how are you deciphering what is pressing versus what is a priority? Christian…is there anything in your life that knocks God off of the throne of your heart, and inhibits your pursuit of God fully and completely?

Wisdom.
Folly.
Which house will you enter?

Please share your thoughts in the comments. I would love to hear from you!

Please like this blog, follow us; and share with a friend. – Pastor P.

Posted in Christian Living, devotion, Learning, Prayer, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation

03 Feb 2021

1 Comment

What Do You Say?

“Kraig, what do you say?”

Growing up as a “PK”, aka “A Preacher’s Kid”, and the son of active church members, this is a question I heard quite often. After one of the church members would come up to us, give us a gift or a piece of candy, my mother would assert, “….what do you say?” The correct response was, “Thank You!” Growing up, I was a very quiet kid. Preaching at 15, followed by college, ministry, and pastoring pushed me out of my proverbial shell. But in those moments as a little child, after receiving the gift, I would hold my head down, stare at the ground, with no expression.

In leadership we understand that every member of our team has an innate desire to be valued, needed, recognized, applauded, included. Each team member should be valued in the leader’s eyes. Of course, this applies to any relationship or friendship, and in any other arena where teamwork and comradery are involved. Leaders should be the first to recognize the accomplishments and achievements of others. Most people serve and work better when they are affirmed, applauded, and told they are appreciated for their work, commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness.

It is not by accident that Genesis 1:27 affirms for us that our first parents, Adam and Eve, were created in the image of God. The theological term we often use for this is imago Dei….that we are made in God’s image. This is not merely an anthropomorphic spotlight (hands, eyes, etc); but it is more an expression of our inherent, internal qualities and are intrinsically tied to who we are. These entail our tendencies (the good ones), our proclivities, are attributes, and the like – but without sin. We like intimacy, and we are prideful. We can become jealous, and despise enemies. Of course, these qualities and characteristics come from God – but He possesses these attributes without sin. Our sinful nature is what makes pride and jealousy and despising our enemies and our pursuit of intimacy so dangerous.

Here’s another one – God loves and craves affirmation. There are many examples in scripture of God seeking and desiring His people to bask in His presence, affirm His goodness, relish His power, massage His ego, and give Him the praise He so rightly deserves. As a matter of fact, when having a conversation with a Samaritan woman at a well, Jesus tells her in John 4:24 that God is “seeking worshippers….”.

How does this apply to you and I in this moment? I’m glad you asked!

I am sure you have so many things to complain about. Maybe there are some mistakes you’ve made in life recently that simply do not reflect the best version of ‘you.’ There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us that there can often seem very little good in the rest of us. There are so many who have lost their lives during this pandemic (with numbers continuing to rise), people who are apprehensive about the new vaccines, and fears and anxieties are high because of financial challenge, relational instability, loss of friendships, and the like.

In the midst of it all….I contend there is something you have left. There is the gift of your praise and worship and gratitude to your Father! Whatever you are facing today, the more you lavish your affection upon Him, He will fill you with His presence and His power.

In your hurt….thank Him.
In the midst of your despair….worship Him.
After your errors…return to your place of worship, and bow before Him.

There are things and people and problems and situations in your life that will seek all of your attention and allegiance today. Consequently, the things that have your allegiance and your attention, will also have your affection. The Bible calls these ‘idols.’

I want to encourage and admonish you – whenever you are tempted to amplify non-essential, temporal things, shift your attention toward the God Who longs to hear you talk to Him (Jeremiah 33:3), long for Him (Psalm 42:1), and abide in Him (John 15).

What do you say? Tell Him “Thank You!”

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Posted in Christian Living, Leadership, Learning, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation

10 Jun 2020

4 Comments

2020 MidYear Review…

If you’ve never read any of my blogs since 2008 or so, I’d encourage you to atleast read the one before this one. I would also encourage you to subscribe; as well as share this blog with someone you may know. My blogs (when I do write) are intentionally candid, transparent and brutally honest. As a ‘church kid’ I do still remain subtle and try to remain ‘politically correct’, to protect the innocent, the faint of heart; and most importantly, the people I love; and my church.

That being said….

If you take the time to read my last post back in January…there is a glimmer of excitement, hope and relief. Contained therein, there is an unspoken sense of ‘I’ve been through the storm and rain; and 2020 is going to be an exciting year.

For ALL (or most) of us….I sure seemed off. This has been some kind of year. I’ve seen so many memes referencing 2020; and how rough this year has been, from ‘Can we just skip the 2020 album, and go to the next 2021 track’ to so many others. My favorite has been the meme I saw by one of my friends I’ll call ‘CBB’. She is a former member of our church; and she never disappoints with the memes. The meme is entitled, ‘If 2020 was a slide’. The slide is a cheese grater!

For me….as I wrote my last blog, I knew God was leading me to make a decision in my own life and ministry; that I had prayed so many times about, over a couple of years. I’d promised the Lord that I would move in His time; and no matter what anyone said, I would move on His timetable. As I wrote the last blog, I didn’t even know if I’d be bold enough to obey God; or how my decision would effect anyone involved. What I did know is that I feared God, more than anyone else. My intention is not to go into details regarding any of that. My intention is to say to you – after I moved in the direction God instructed me to move, I traveled to Jacksonville, Florida for the Southern Baptist Pastor’s Conference, held at First Baptist Church in Jacksonville. The conference was empowering, enlightening; and the things I learned and the people I met simply made the time there seem like things were just coming together. I had never been to SBC’s Pastor’s conference held at First Baptist Jacksonville. My father had been while I was in high school; and Jerry Vines and Mac Brunson (their previous pastors) were two of my favorites. But it is just a plethora of encouragement, insights and empowerment.

Lord knows I needed it. 2019 (so I thought) was a rough year…just dealing with a suprising loss in our church family. One brother we lost was such a major encouragement to me personally. He was not a deacon or a trustee. He wasn’t an usher or a Sunday School teacher. He was just a ‘regular guy’ from Louisiana, retired from Delta Airlines; and just supported his new pastor. He had been on oxygen for a couple of years; and had been struggling through that; having good days and bad days. But I just admired how he would make his way to Bible Studies on Wednesday nights; how he would help with our security and safety personnel; and he never left church without talking to me. One Sunday I was in the foyer greeting parishioners as they departed; and he was waiting (as usual) for me to finish. Finally, he said he’d see me on Wednesday night. A day or so later, he was gone. I never shall forget doing something I advise no pastor (especially a professional chaplain) to do. There in the hospital, in front of his wife and daughter, I broke down and cried like a little baby. As some know, I am not a crier. Little did I know that God was preparing my tear ducts for 2020. I miss him so much; and he will be one of the first men I look for, after I see Jesus.

During my time in Jacksonville, my father met me there; along with a dear friend of my family, whom I call my uncle. Being an alumnus from Dallas Baptist and Southwestern Seminary, it was also a joy to see quite a few old colleagues, professors, classmates, etc. I was unsettled by the brewing tensions 2020 would bring; but excited about pleasing God.

I did something I don’t normally do, in 15 years of pastoring – I stayed over Sunday. I visited my friend, H.B. Charles’ church (Shiloh in Jacksonville). After church, I spoke to one of my best friends, Bertrain Bailey; and we shared our Sunday experiences, as we often do. Of course, I didn’t have much to say. I hadn’t preached; and I had only heard reports of the great time our people had back at home as Shiloh in Fort Worth. As we spoke, Bertrain tells me, ‘Man…I’m seeing on the news that Kobe Bryant just died.’ My closest friends know I have always been a Kobe fan; and would always argue that he was better than the inimitable Michael Jordan. As a matter of fact, my intention was to name my youngest son Kobe; to no avail. I told him, ‘Don’t play like that. We don’t play about Kobe.’ He said, ‘No dude, I’m seeing this on the news.’ From there…It has been a blur.

Kobe was, in fact, killed, along with others, in a helicopter crash; and the world rocked. Without even settling down long enough, we were hit by the Coronavirus Pandemic. And most recently, the injustices of the killings of unarmed black men and women; and the outrage that now ensues. If things could get no worse – with family members who have fallen ill, members of my church losing family members, etc; the shocking loss of Pastor Manson B. Johnson of the Holman Street Baptist Church, has dealt another devastating blow.

Here is my summation to this blog…just in case you think the world revolves around your little worries; God knows how to allow a world of bigger problems to eclipse what you are facing.

To be sure, the things in my world continue to move on and move forward. It is my prayer that God will continue to show Himself faithful, in the midst of any challenge any of us may face, individually or in this world. Never forget the words of 1 Peter 5:7, which says, “Casting all your care upon Him; for he cares for you.’

Nobody told you that the road was going to be easy. If they did, they lied to you! As long as you live this life, and seek to make an imprint, there will be challenges along the way. It is so important to:

1. Remain Prayerful
2. Trust God (In God we trust, everyone else we thoroughly investigate)
3. Follow His Word
4. Walk with Integrity
5. Write everything down, including your story
6. Treat people right
7. Let God fight your battles

The good news is – if you’re reading this blog, you made it through some of the worst times in human history!!! Just think – we get to live in this time. And God is so gracious to allow us to experience it.

Be encouraged as you go throughout this process. May you find joy on your journey!

Posted in Christian Living, Current Events, Leadership, Learning, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged Blogging, Inspiration, jacksonville, Pandemic, Pastor's Conference, Reflections

07 Jan 2020

6 Comments

Handling Stress

2019 was a very challenging year for me. In my estimation, it was probably the most challenging for me in ministry and personally.

Everything that could go wrong, almost did (I am very careful to say ‘almost’, because things could’ve always been much worse).

As I look back over my life, the end of a decade has typically been challenging for me. In early 1999, a relationship that meant very much to me officially ended. While it ended in 1998, I felt the effects of its dissolution; and trying to pick up the pieces the following year. To say it devastated my life would be an understatement. To this day, I know that it was only by God’s love, Grace and providence I made it through that.

In 2009, I was pastoring my first church. We were struggling to remain afloat. We went to a new location the previous year; and there was not a favorable response to the change. I couldn’t understand it, because it was the nicest building we’d ever worshipped in. Only years later did I realize some fundamental things that contributed to what I was experiencing, which I won’t share in this post. Added to the stress of a struggling church that couldn’t afford to support itself, let alone me and my family, I was completing my Master of Divinity degree in Biblical Languages at Southwestern Seminary. And if things could not get any worse, Dee and I had a miscarriage in May of that year, and another several months later.

Even years after, I can naturally see how those situations grew me; but still find it hard to see why God didn’t answer some of my prayers (keep me in that relationship or let me child/children live). I just know it shaped me into the man I am. However, I do live with scars; and I have a limp.

At the beginning of 2019, I made a post on my Facebook social media page…

It was a noble, sincere and faith-filled post. It had nothing to do with ANY one person, and it certainly had nothing to do with any of my obligations (family, church, friendships, etc). It was a general post!

Someone said that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Satan heard it; and God permitted him to use anything and anybody to stress me out, INCLUDING MYSELF. In fact, myself more than anyone else.

As a consequence, I became someone I did not know and did not like. Because of my youth in 1999, I learned how to not always lash out at those close to me as I did when I was only 19 (atleast the ones who weren’t lashing out at me), and because of everything that went on in 2009, I learned to suffer silently, put on my ministry face, be Pastoral, preach and do my job….

I allowed my perceptions of people’s issues to become personal for me. I allowed the problems and mistreatment of people I love and care about to stress me out, especially because I wanted to fix the situation. I even became stressed over loved ones and friends who felt I wasn’t giving them enough or calling them enough. I allowed other people’s fights (whether family or in church) to become my burden and problem. If a member left because of a divorce or conflict with someone else in our church, it hurt me and I took their leaving as personal. Even more…it causes me to see that I hadn’t fully confronted some of the truths and lessons God was trying to teach me in 1999 and 2009. Little did I know that my loss in 1999 and my challenges in 2009 were equipping me for the struggles I’d experience in 2019; that I may have 2020 Vision.

While I could make this post a Part 1 of a 3-part series, I’ll just express my few reflections here.

1) God has never promised that life or people or situations would come without friction.

2) God can handle people and things better than you.

3) Things and people will only have as much power as you give them.

3) Embrace the fact that many of the things, and people, that you are stressing about, probably aren’t stressing over you. These aren’t fabricationals.

5) Whether the problems or people are temporary or permanent, give it to God, show compassion, forgive yourself and then let if go.

6) Be thankful and grateful for the people, especially the God, you stress out continuously…who are patient, loving and present in your life.

This year…I will not abandon my intention. But I choose to believe I can determine its place in my life.

I pray for each person who is struggling today; and already stressed out in 2020. No matter what occurred yesterday, may you realize God’s overwhelming love for you; His purpose for your life; and use whatever energy for stress, toward fulfilling God’s promises in your life.

I hope to do that by sharing my story in the blog. Please subscribe and also share. Also…I would love to hear from you in the comments. Blessings!

Posted in Christian Living, Random Thoughts, Social Life, Spiritual Formation and tagged Reflections

23 Nov 2018

5 Comments

Integrity versus Perfection

Living in the public square and the fishbowl of Pastoral ministry, I have often felt the pressure of being dissected by others. As a PK (aka Preacher’s Kid), this comes with the terrain. Even more, being the “kid” of a man and minister (William Lanier Pullam) who could do no wrong to me as a Christian, husband, father, spiritual leader and friend to others, in a small town where everybody knows everyone…could often be a challenge. I’ve met countless PK’s who developed a sense of resentment, even anger, towards the church and church leaders because of the display of hypocrisy, duplicity, inconsistency and the like exemplified by people in the church. This breaks my heart. On the one hand it breaks my heart because the church can be such a ‘messy’ place. Church people, in the scripture, are likened to sheep. Sheep get dirty. Tragically, we often fail to comprehend our ‘sheepish’ comparison and reality. On the other hand, I think that we subconsciously lift people to a standard that they can never realistically attain. It is really a standard upon which only Christ can be seated.

I began blogging in 2006. And over the course of the past twelve years (particularly the past several) I have blogged less and less. For me, writing and blogging has been cathartic; and it has been a way for me to process my thoughts and to shape direction in my own life. But, as my life moved more into a public light, I felt as if my quest for integrity became stifled. It would irk me to blog about something; and then the next several days become aware of how my life did not reflect what I had written about. After a while, I no longer knew what to write about…so enamored in how I might contradict what I’d said…if just a minuscule deviation of my words or thoughts.

Then I read that the definition of perfection is “without blemish”. Interestingly, those who are in Christ are “without blemish.” But the key difference in what tormented me and what the scripture says about being unblemished is crucial: one is built on LAW; and the other is settled in GRACE.

The law tells us to “Do.” Grace informs us it is “Done!”
The law teaches us that we have missed the mark; and grace reminds us that Christ has won the race and settled the debt.

In Psalm 17, David asks the Lord to vindicate him, and to protect him from his enemies and foes. I find it interesting that David uses as his collateral to God’s answering his prayer is his integrity. Really? David? The notorious rebel of the Old Testament? It is then that we must understand that integrity is not perfection. It is exposing one’s self before the sovereign Lord; and giving God a heart of surrender. We often quote David as being, “A man after God’s heart.” Kenneth Ulmer has said, “The issue was never David’s heart. It was the heart that David was running after.” I contend!

We will fail. We will make mistakes. We will be imperfect. Integrity understands this where perfection cannot. Integrity also gives permission for others to fail, make mistakes and be imperfect.

Granted…this is not a license to live a double-faced, reckless, ungodly life. We should want, more than anything, to walk the lives that we talk. As Christians, spouses, parents, disciples and leaders…this should be our aspiration. It is my sincere hope and prayer to live in a way that reflects the character of Christ (amid my own imperfections), in a way that ultimately points to God’s glory.

I don’t need to be perfect; because Jesus was; and because He is. You don’t either. His grace is sufficient where the law and man’s standard falls way too short. Live in this truth and act like you’re free…because you are!

Posted in Christian Living, Leadership, Random Thoughts, Spiritual Formation and tagged Integrity, life, ministry, Perfection, Truth

23 Sep 2018

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Celebrating 2 Years at Shiloh

I’m reflecting upon the place we were two years ago. On the 4th Sunday of September ‘16, I felt life had come full circle. Certainly in ministry. All of the questions I had about my peculiar journey in ministry to the challenges and obstacles along the way in my education; to the friendships and relationships both forged and razed; to the unusual opportunities given throughout the years – for once, it made sense. God knew what He was doing all along.

Fast-forward, 2 years later…and I see how that day has kept me from then until now. I could not have prepped myself for the amazing victories and the astounding challenges that were sandwiched between my “then” and my “now”. Only my loving Father could have sustained me through it all. Please note…this is not any subliminal writing suggesting I went through hell. It is a declaration of one who now fully lives in his purpose.

God elevated me to a new level…that I’m convinced was a combination of 5 elements: His grace, my faithfulness, my integrity, a strong devotional life and His faithfulness. It certainly had little to do with my ability or gifts. God (as He had done in many years prior to 2016) just continued to opens doors for me that would’ve never been possible without Him. From moving to higher visibility, a national stage to being able to be a greater blessing and facilitator of blessings to others…it has led to a place of peace, being able to live in my purpose, to glorify God, exalt Christ, share my faith and bless others. With new levels, come new challenges and moments of persecution. While I have known this to be true for many and even for me through the years, I never knew it could be 10 times more intense than I could’ve realized 3 years ago. But somehow, while envy, jealousy, being misunderstood, being misquoted, days away from my family, being taken advantage of, has sometimes been overwhelming. I am beyond grateful that most of that has come from outside of our congregation. But God seems to always replenish and renew the strength of those who run to His well and drink deeply. He has faithfully done that!

Several months ago…I was sitting in the blue chair in my study at the church. Some have asked me why I still have it. Others have admitted to leaning back in the chair and they’ve fallen. The chair is old. Loud. Scratched up. Torn. But I’ve never fallen in that chair. Out of every item in the office, that’s the item I love the most. When I walk into that office, the first thing I look for is not my degrees on the wall, or to see if someone left me something on the desk. I look at my chair. It belonged to my predecessor, but I admit that’s not the reason why I love it. It just feels good-I love how it comforts me when I sit down-but that’s not why I love the chair. I love it because it’s mine. I love it because it’s the place where I sit.

It may be loud and squeaky…but it is where I sit.

It may have some bumps and scratches…but it is where I sit.

It may break down tomorrow, but today…it is where I sit.

How I thank the Sovereign for calling me to serve in a good vineyard. It didn’t have to be so. I’m humbled that He did. And if He permits, I pray to serve long and faithfully as the spiritual shepherd of such a great church, until the day I pass the mantle on to the next man who I will serve and call my Pastor.

Posted in Leadership, Pastoring, Preaching, Spiritual Formation and tagged Shiloh

15 Feb 2018

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Day 11

Prayer will…

Open the doors that will altar the course of your destiny.
Pull the covers off of the enemy’s antics; and clarify your focus.
Connect you to a remnant of intercessors whom God will use to impact eternity, and overthrow the kingdom of darkness.

Within our congregation, we began a prayer campaign called the 20 Days of Prayer, on February 5. We are now on Day 11. I cannot say how long I’ve been leading my church (wherever I’ve been) into a period of corporate prayer during some part of the first quarter of the year. But it has never failed to renew my spiritual focus.

These 20 Days of Prayer in our church have, in itself, given me new life and a greater sense of purpose. I am sure it has done and is doing the same for our parishioners.

This year…I’ve implemented a couple of changes that have deepened and intensified this time for me:

1) Jumpstart our days of prayer with a Prayer Institute.

2) Implement a Wednesday weekly, 15-minute prayer call at 6am.

Prayer Call each Wednesday in February at 6am….

Call-in number: 605-472-5649

Access Code: 266809

3) Commit 1 hour to privately/personally pray on our daily emphasis, outside of my regular prayer time.

4) Put legs on my prayers, as God speaks. I’m excited about what God is doing behind the scenes in our congregation, to make our congregation greater.

Today, as a congregation, Shiloh is praying for all of the endeavors of Shiloh this year; that God would bless our efforts, and the work of our hands.

I’m praying for the Lord to give us a heart, mind and spirit to work and execute His plan, power, purpose and provision for optimum results and impact.

God has revealed so much to me personally as we’ve refocused our attention on the priority of prayer. It even seems surreal when you commit to “JUST PRAY”, the things God will say to you as you tune in your spiritual ears to Him. When you renew your spiritual focus, He will show you things you’ve missed because of daily routine, perfunctory tasks, constant challenge and the like.

When we do it His way (fasting and prayer)….it is so refreshing.

On another note, yesterday we received word of another senseless at a high school in Parkland, Florida. 17 are reported dead. This breaks my heart, as I think of my own children, family members and the precious young people I Pastor. May the Lord call ALL of us to our knees in PRAYER. The only way things begin to change in this regard is through prayer, repentance and then action. Otherwise, the senselessness will continue.

May you find the strength you need now, to make it through. I pray you will find joy for the journey.

Posted in Christian Living, Pastoring, Prayer, Spiritual Formation and tagged days of prayer, life, pastoral life, Prayer

09 Feb 2018

4 Comments

January in Retrospect

God be praised for 2018! And thank Him fully for the Month of January.

January began COLD in North Texas. After a festive Christmas enjoyed by family, the last Sunday of December left many parishioners our way at home. I left home that Sunday morning at 8:40am; and arrived at church at 10am…. considering Shiloh is approximately 15 miles from my home, the timeframe gives light on how much ice was on the road. Interestingly, I did not expect anyone to show up; and yet we had a good number. Because of the inclement weather, we had to cancel our New Year’s Eve service for 5pm. Nevertheless, we entered 2018 grateful because we did not receive any reports of accidents from our members or family.

In the second week of January, we began to gear up for the installation of my brother, Rev. Kevin Lanier Pullam, at Fort Worth’s Pleasant Mt. Gilead Baptist Church, in the historic Como area of our city. While our schedules have limited our personal time together, I am extremely elated to not only have he and our sister, LaTonya, in town; but to have him as leader of a church many of us have grown to know and love. PMG installed him in a grand fashion; and God’s providential plan for both Pastor and People coming together were evident and clear. I am praying for days and years of fruitful and productive ministry.

On the 14th of January, I presented my first Vision Plan to our congregation. It is a 20 page document that entails my vision for 2018, a short synopsis of where we’ve been, proposed budget and important dates for the year, along with speakers and our annual focus. I was glad to see the Vision Plan warmly received by our people.

Beginning the 22nd of January, a couple of ministers were able to travel with the president of our national convention, Dr. Samuel Tolbert, and Dr. G. V. Clark (my state president) for both a cohort with President Tolbert and also as a delegation to the midwinter board of the Progressive National Convention. It served for us as a busy week. However, the convention and our work was held in Nassau, Bahamas. What a place to do the work of ministry. This time really gave us an opportunity to hear the vision of Dr. Tolbert; gain some leadership nuggets and wisdom from both he and Dr. Clark; and also a refreshing time to fellowship with the other pastors, Rev. Kennedy Young and Rev. Ricki Ferrell.

I came back home with helpful insights on how to enhance my own ministry and leadership; and also grateful to have met some great people in Progressive; and also the Rev. Jesse Jackson, whom they honored in one of their services.

During the last week of January, I journeyed to Austin, Texas to serve as evangelist for the Stewardship Institute at Mt. Zion MBC. Incidentally, Dr. George Clark is the pastor there. Again, I was humbled and grateful for the opportunity to not only preach on the subject of stewardship for 3 nights; but just to fellowship and spend time with Dr. Clark. Pastor Clark is 86 years of age; but he is one of the most innovative, energetic, wise and disciplined men I have ever known. As an extra bonus…he was very good friends with my Shiloh predecessor, Pastor Albert Chew, Jr. I love hearing the stories of Rev. Chew told from his friends and family; because it’s the closest I can get to a man who left me the mantle of leadership in such a place as Shiloh. Since I never knew him personally, it makes me feel like I know him for myself.

I am grateful for a wife and a church who daily entrust me with the wisdom to discern when I need to stay, and when I must go and do ministry. I think the Lord has always given me discretion in the Pastorate to discern when I need to be home; and when I need to spread my wings. I am also thankful for accountability partners who keep things in perspective for me; when I am away and wish to be home. I have literally seen the results of some of the sacrifices I made in late 2016 and 2017 as a new pastor. At this juncture, Shiloh is stronger than I anticipated it would be at this point, with us together as Pastor and People.

I am praying for wisdom, help and anointing as we continue to move forward and move ahead in ministry. Thankful to have a couple of weeks at home before I am away again.

I would love to hear from you. If this blog is a blessing to you, please share with others. Blessings!

Posted in Church, Church Life, Leadership, Pastoring, Preaching, Social Life, Spiritual Formation and tagged Clark, Convention, Ferrell, Kennedy, NBCA, PNBC, Tolbert

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Kraig Lowell Pullam

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